If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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