He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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