Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
