Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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