I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
