My liver just broke up with me...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize