Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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