I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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