it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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