Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
