There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
two words...techno handjob
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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