Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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