I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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