ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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