I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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