kristin has been a bad kristin
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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