So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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