Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
