wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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