me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
