Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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