The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
