If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
