what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
