9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
