You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
