He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
