I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
