Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
