So drunk its hurt
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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