drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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