Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
