I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
