My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
