I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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