wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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