Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
