I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize