you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
