Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
