I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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