i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
