I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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