I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize