that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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