The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
