dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
