Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
