So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
