i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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