Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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