woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
