Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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