Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
