my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
