The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
