I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
