i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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